Envy

I used to feel guilty if I felt envy surge up around someone.

Now I view it as a healthy feedback loop.

For two years plus I drove by the fixed gear cyclists on my way to work. The simplicity, the grace of one gear, the power reflected in sinewed calves, and I would feel envy.

Now I am one of them...the joy of the ride, the rebellious independence when sucking on bus exhaust but still managing to pass a car and make the light in the last seconds of count-down to yellow.

All my senses are engaged when I ride. And riding on a fixed gear where my legs are my gears doing all the work - adds to that experience.

This morning I logged over 7 miles on my fixie and now I am an active participant in my life and more connected to everything around me.

Sunlight to my east casting a shadow on falling leaves along a creekside trail, I felt pure joy, and I thought about envy: It's not a bad thing. It's a valuable feedback loop indicating something you want in your life. So if there is someone or something you envy, take a moment to look at that. Don't stuff it, but instead take a look at what it is your life is lacking that causes you to envy another.

Figure it out and do it.

Chances are you will no longer feel envy, but instead happiness. Who knows - maybe even pure joy. :D

Do I still have envy? Sure - the other day, my feet firmly planted on the ground a young man rode up next to me and he held an impeccable track stand for well over a minute as we were waiting for the light to change. He didn't wobble one bit. Pure grace.

Last night at home near the safety of a wall, yeah, I practiced. I held it for 3 seconds, but hey, I am in the game.